Want to raise smart children? Praise their effort, not their intelligence

To all the parents out there who want to raise smart kids, Stanford University Professor Carol Dweck offers this advice: If you really want smart kids, start by not telling them they’re smart.

Praise their hard work, praise their willingness to work past intellectual struggles. But do not praise their innate intelligence.

Dweck is a professor of psychology and the author of “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.” She’s spent decades studying why some people thrive in school and in life and others don’t. Her conclusion: It takes more than just smarts to get ahead.

It won’t always be easy

Dweck said that children who are constantly told how smart they are often fall flat when they encounter challenges at school. This is particularly true as children enter middle and high school and the competition becomes more intense.

She said these kids will stay in their comfort zone rather than risk failure. They certainly won’t ask for help and may even resort to cheating or lying. Why?

Children who grow up being told they are bright expect to master their school work with little effort. So when they suffer setbacks, they don’t know what to do. They believe intelligence is a fixed trait - that you only have so much. She calls this a “fixed mindset.”

“It’s a very self-defeating outlook,” she said. “These kids think effort is a bad thing. You only need it if you’re dumb.”

The struggle will do you good

Contrast this with children who are praised for working hard. They view setbacks as opportunities and work even harder. They see their brain as something that can be strengthened and expanded. Dweck call this a “growth mindset.”

“A mistake is not an indictment,” Dweck said. “It’s a prompt to try something else.”

So the next time your child has trouble with an assignment or makes a mistake, talk about it and try to figure out what he can do to try harder the next time. And if he comes home with an A, congratulate him on his hard work.

“Effort is a really important value,” she said.

In fact, she suggested using conversations around the dinner table to talk about struggles that everyone in the family faces on a regular basis. “Ask ‘What did you do today that was really hard?’” she said.

Here are some resources recommended by Professor Dweck:

Author Barbara Esham’s series of books, “The Adventures of Everyday Geniuses” are great for elementary school children because they emphasize hard work. The titles include “Last to Finish: A Story About the Smartest Boy in Math Class” and “If You’re So Smart, How Come You Can’t Spell Mississippi?”

Professor Dweck suggests pointing out to kids that people who reach the top of their field, whether it be Tiger Woods or Bill Gates, have to work extremely hard. While popular culture seems to stress fast money and easy fame, Dweck said she watched a season of “Dancing with the Stars” and was impressed that the episodes showed how hard the performers had to practice in order to look effortless on stage.

Professor Dweck has also developed Brainology an online program to help students in grades 5 though 9 develop a growth mindset. The program includes information about how the brain functions and suggestions for developing effective study skills. There is a fee for the program. For more information, go to brainology.us.

Here’s a link to an article Professor Dweck wrote for Scientific American The Secret to Raising Smart Kids.

And, finally, here’s a short video of Professor Dweck talking about her research.